Tuesday, July 28, 2015

Keep the Giraffe Burning

It is time again to announce the results of last week's competition, and to thank all those busy little Riddled readers who sent in their entries.

The competition was (as any fule kno) to suggest a new flag for the People's Sovereign and Surrealist Republic of Cæsura, for when we declare the independence of stately Riddled Manor. This will happen Real Soon Now, as soon as we finish the paperwork -- or consume too many pints of Gleamhound's Sobriety Draught in the course of Pycnogonid Racing Night at the Old Entomologist -- whichever comes first.

As always, the judges were impressed by the creativity of the submissions... if not by their originality. Another Kiwi was sure that he had seen two of the entries previously, and had to retire to the Chaise Longue with a tall glass of gin to steady his nerves.

Shame on you, Mr V. N. Throgmorton! There is no place in the People's Republic for plagiarised flag designs, except when we are stealing Myles na gCopaleen jokes perhaps in the rubbish bin along with that sternly-worded legal missive from the Musée Magritte.

Then Greenish Hugh transcended the quaint tradition for flags to be assembled out of fabric, instead carving one from a piece of pavement that he had torn up from the back alley while searching for the beach. HA HA it is a flagstone.
Novel media and stone-based artistic practice are all very well but the entry is not easy to hoist, and the flagpole bends alarmingly when you do, so I think we will not be adopting Hugh's design.

"A flag-ship works perfectly," said Space-Time Eddy; "You just need a thicker flagpole."
But does it flutter in the breeze? DOES IT BOG-ROLL.
At this point the attention of the judging committee began to flag (as it were) and we turned to more interesting concerns, like choosing a form of motorised armour to equip the People's Republic Defensive Forces. We settled on fish-tanks.

Thursday, July 23, 2015

The inhabitants of that street impressed me peculiarly. At first I thought it was because they were all silent and reticent; but later decided it was because they were all very old. I do not know how I came to live on such a street, but I was not myself when I moved there. I had been living in many poor places, always evicted for want of money; until at last I came upon that tottering house in Baker Street, kept by the paralytic Mrs Hudson. 221B was the third house from the top of the street, and by far the tallest of them all

From The Casebook of Erich Zann, Consulting Detective.
...The absence of Conan Doyle / H. P. Lovecraft cross-overs is not satisfactory.

Leaning back in his armchair of an evening, he would close his eyes and scrape carelessly at the fiddle which was thrown across his knee. Sometimes the chords were sonorous and melancholy. Occasionally they were fantastic and cheerful. Clearly they reflected the thoughts which possessed him, but whether the music aided those thoughts, or whether the playing was simply the result of a whim or fancy, was more than I could determine. I often heard sounds which filled me with an indefinable dread—the dread of vague wonder and brooding mystery. It was not that the sounds were hideous, for they were not; but that they held vibrations suggesting nothing on this globe of earth, and that at certain intervals they assumed a symphonic quality which I could hardly conceive as produced by one player.

Tuesday, July 21, 2015

Ethics in gamma journalism

It is not immediately clear why Mavi et al. set about exposing blue-green algae and cyanobacteria to gamma radiation from a Cobalt-60 source.
Perhaps they dreamed of mutating the algae into an advanced form of sentient vegetation which would obliterate entire continents beneath its murderous biomass. Doesn't every mad scientist?
You won't believe what happened next! Algae and bacteria proved to selectively absorb the γ-rays, making them into better radiation shields than lead!
Protection capacity of some biomass was observed to be higher than a 1-cm thick lead standard for comparison. Gamma ray related protection depends not only to thickness but also to density (g/cm³). Hence the effect of biomass density also was tested and significantly found the tested biomass absorbed more of the incoming energy on a density basis than lead. This paper discusses the a new approach to environmental protection from gamma ray, The findings suggest that the test samples, especially cyanobacteria, have a potential for reducing gamma ray more significantly than lead and can be used as shielding materials.
Now this has the downside that irradiation sterilisation of Sushi rolls will be harder than we first thought, because the nori wrapping will soak up the lethal beams and shield the contents. There is also the concern that mutant algae would flourish on the airless, unshielded environment on the moon -- to the surprise of visiting astronauts! -- for rather than incur damage from x-ray and γ-ray wavelengths, it would thrive on ionising radiation, using the energy for photosynthesis in the manner of reactor-dwelling mildew.
But every pig's ear has a silver lining, and an ill wind is bad at fellatio (or something), and let us look at the positive side. A fabric or film made of gammasynthetic algae is the ideal material for constructing a radiation-proof atom-bomb-protective suit, with the added bonus that you could wear it on Hallowe'en as a Sexy Sushi-Roll costume.
It remains to be seen whether such a costume would also provide protection against falling rhomboids.
UPDATE: Retraction Watch alerts us to the fact that the Mavi et al. paper has been expunged from the scientific record on account of "issues with the data".

This is hardly a satisfying explanation for the depublication and I am inclined to blame the self-serving behind-the-scenes machinations of the Big Lead lobby.

UPDATE #2: Bonus Atom-Bomb Protection Suit from Toyen.

Monday, July 20, 2015

Spellcheck. Is it your friend?

Spoiler alert: NO.

Derp animal* is amused.
* From the Otoyo Jinja shrine.

Friday, July 10, 2015

Colour-Vision Deficiency in old-world primates: A case study

The monkey is clearly a dichromat, unable to distinguish reds and greens, which is why his painting is dominated by the tonality of blues and yellows which stand out from grey for him.

One would take this for granted if he were a New World monkey of the Platyrrhine clade, where dichromacy is the norm (apart from Howler monkeys who evolved trichromacy independently, and heterozygous females in many New World genera). But in fact he is a Catarrhine, a Macaque of one species or another, where trichromacy is the norm.

For some reason all the research on colour-blindess in old-world primates has concentrated on humans.

Monday, July 6, 2015

The Reverse-Phi Motion Effect

One seldom sees it used so effectively.

In other news, I went all the way to a conference in Japan in order to drink Riga Black Balzam.

Monday, June 29, 2015

You're very clever, young man, but it's greater fleas and lesser fleas, all the way down

"Tell us more about GcMAF!" said absolutely no-one. But at Riddled we are steadfast in our determination to bring you nothing but the freshest, artisanal, hand-curated loons. Also I am in thrall to the power of Ira Dei the Dragon-onna-string and it compels me to blog about GcMAF, the panaceal glycoprotein extracted from human blood, requiring 100 lives to fill one bottle of Abrasax youth serum NO WAIT that was in "Jupiter Ascending".
Extraction process:
Requires large still
What makes GcMAF so irresistable is the way it encapsulates the whole world of predatory health grifting in microcosm. Which is to say, in macrocosm. Like the alchemists' elixir vitae, it is a panacea; but there is no formula, and no definition, and no chemical test to verify its presence in a product you might buy on-line. Thus it is hard to find a alt-health scammer who is not trying to put his own spin on the magical protein as a point of difference from the competition. A drug by the name of World without End WHOOPS the old problem is back with lyrics bleeding through from the Radio Riddled classic-rock broadcast, we really need better shielding around the cryopods.

Just look at these two websites. On the left, one touts GcMAF to Asian consumers. One could easily believe it to be a subsidiary or an authorised distributor of the FirstImmune youth-serum product featured on the right. Alas, the Asian site has merely cloned the FirstImmune web design and where they are sourcing their magical blood extract remains a matter for speculation. Here at Riddled Investigative Journalism we grieve to report backstabbing, chicanery and sharp practice in the skeezy health-grifting sector but we do not resile from our melancholy duty.

Close inspection reveals the GcMAF.asia site* to be owned by Infiniti Biomed, with agents in Singapore and Bangkok, which are the new Tijuana.

Even more obsessive closer attention uncovers an entire pullulating ecosystem of websites, connected secondarily by the details of who registered which domain. There is a stem sell, asitwere, Regenex Holdings (Thailand Ltd.), primordial and pluripotent and undifferentiated, potentially immortal as long as it remains unspecialised and based on Cayman Islands. Regenex sloughs other companies from its flanks in the manner of Abhoth or a Skwirl-shuggoth; these subdivide and differentiate, becoming increasingly specialised in stem-cell scammery / "aesthetic surgery" / "medical tourism" (or in "integrative cancer therapy" in the case of the Veritas Life cancer clinics in Bangkok).

Regenex spawned Regenerasia and Regentec, and then Global Stem Cells Group and Verita Healthcare and the Verita Life cancer clinic, and Global Medical Training Network which offers training for nurses for the stem-sell sector (on the theory that even if the stem-sell scammery money teat dries up there is still money to be made from people who aspire to a career in stem-sell scammery).

The primary connection among these companies is the presence of Richard DeAndrea as Medical Director of Infiniti Biomed and Medical Director of Regenetec and Medical Director of Stem Cells Thailand (a.k.a. Global Stem Cell Network) and Medical Director of Global Medical Services Group (which is now Verita Medical Services) and Medical Director at Verita Life Integrative & Regenerative Bio-Enhancement Center, because what better qualification could one ask for in one's oncologist than a Doctorate of Naturopathy? Before all that he was Holistic Health Director at TRIA Integrative Wellness Center; before relocating his operations from San Francisco to Bangkok he was noted for his alternative AIDS cures, Oxygen Bar and 21-Day Detox-related activities.**

We can only conclude that detoxes and stem cells don't work any more which is why the necessity for Gc-MAF, rather than its high profile. It may be that the Stars are In Alignment and a CASE NIGHTMARE GREEN scenario is just around the non-Euclidean corner.

In related news,
  • Classical homeopathy rarely works anymore.
  • Amalgam and root canal removal is still beneficial.
  • Cavitation surgery can still be big but is no longer a miracle.
  • Simple things that worked 30 years ago no longer work well.
However, Electromagnetic Smog still remains an issue so don't throw away those tinfoil hats Faraday Cages quite yet. We learn all of this from Dietrich Klinghardt, inventor of homeopathic GcMAF. This is all non-classical and quantum so perhaps it will save you when the old gods return and sweep our cities back into hell SODDING B.Ö.C. LYRICS. Dr Klinghardt has been the recipient of Respectful Insolence, but you should also look at his eccentric magisterium of thought, come back when you've finished. The power of Ira Dei the Dragon-onna-string compels you.

"But wait," the reader asks. "Wasn't 'homeopathic GcMAF' a specialty of Trevor Banks and Lesley Hutchings, a.k.a. www.gcmafresearch.com?"

Sadly, there is a gnawing suspicion that not all of Trevor and Lesley's ideas are original to them, and not all their activities are entirely above-board. The Wayback Machine, for instance, contains a no-longer-extant website in which Trevor was offering "second generation GcMAF" to his customers, using the Japanese process, made in his own
sterile cell processing facility using this new and improved 2nd generation method which is 10-20 times more concentrated and is more active and stable than other GcMAF that is currently available
-- so much better than the product available from FirstImmune! This was back when FirstImmune was warning people against the Japanese 2nd-Gen product, as an untested and overpriced product of unknown provenance, conceivably the work of scammers. And when Trevor and Lesley were working for FirstImmune as Marketing Manager and intertube shill. It is the ingratitude and disloyalty that hurt.

A hypertrophied sense of duty obliges me to mention Jeremy Ayres (Doctor of Naturopathy), who was buying the FirstImmune product and re-selling it as his own --
Our GcMAF batches have been put through 9 tests, including 2 sterility, three activity/potency, we make time lapse videos of all live cancer cells being destroyed in three days.
-- while presenting his beach-house on sunny tropical out-of-jurisdiction Barbados as a partner to the FirstImmune cancer clinic in Switzerland.***
We have several clinic options available. For stage 3-4 conditions (or other terminal diagnosed conditions) it is best to go to the residential clinic in Switzerland.
Readers are already familiar with Dr Jeff Bradstreet, tireless autism grifter (if the first five remedies he sells you make no difference, do not despair, he has a sixth!). Bradstreet was sourcing the already high-diluted nanograms-per-dose GcMAF from FirstImmune, watering it down by another factor of 10 because Homeopathy!, and prescribing it to his patients along with a natural-chelator brain-enhancing jellyfish extract (I am not making this up). Earlier this year he decided to pretend that the association never happened and scrubbed his promotional website of all promises of GcMAF-related miraculous cures.

Alas, the Wayback Machine never forgets, and the FDA were not fooled. They interviewed Bradstreet, and seized records from his clinic, and he shot himself. Leaving his family so impoverished that his brother has been reduced to appealing to public donations for $25000, which will be spent on an independent investigation of Bradstreet's death. It would be VERY WRONG to go to the GoFundMe page (or to TruthNutNews) and leave a comment arguing that Bradstreet's attempts to detoxify his site show that he was BEING PRESSURED and AFRAID OF RETRIBUTION.

Poison's in my bloodstream, poison's in my pride
I'm after rebellion, I'll settle for lies
* Also promoted in antisocial media or whatever the kids are calling it:

** Further information can be found at the self-penned modestly-titled blog "Dr. Richard DeAndrea continues to make great advances in stem cell therapy". Connoisseurs of fulsomery will also appreciate DeAndrea's Whackyweedia entry, which is more fulsome than Johnny Cash at Fulsome Prison, and did not survive the critical attention of the Whackyweedia moderators.

*** Now closed on account of its illegality and of patient deaths.