Friday, November 27, 2015

Shrink age

Left-hand foteau shows Michael van Gils at the right, being all tall n shit. Of course he is not the only tall Dutchperson. Perhaps they are breeding for height in the manner of Exultants.

It would be irresponsible not to speculate that Dutchpersons are dosing themselves with growth hormones in order to become height-advantaged and bring all of Europe under the aegis of their cruel regime of tulips and windmills and Gouda cheese.

By way of compensation, there is Arne Hendricks, espousing the idea that the human race should promote the sexiness of Short and reduce their environmental footprints by breeding themselves down to half-a-metre in height. Beginning with the Netherlands, for no-one can deny the cuteness of teacup Dutchmen.
Then our children will ride on ratback amidst wonder and glory through garbage dumps forever!
Assuming that the are cooperative.

The enticing possibility of human disembiggening has also been covered by documentaries from Colin Kapp and Brian Aldiss.

H/t Zapato

Thursday, November 26, 2015

Wednesday, November 25, 2015

Riddle of the Sphincter

"The Patient, a 60-years old Caucasian male found unconscious in a trailer park of gypsies,..."
  1. remembered nothing of his past, and was brought up by the tribe as one of their own, and taught their traditional dances and songs and handicrafts.
  2. bore a tattoo on his left instep that identified him immediately as an agent of Clan Vassili.
  3. had only that morning been seen in the pedestrian mall, mocking a gypsy 'wise woman' and her purported psychic powers.
  4. was carried to Emergency Department at night, intubated and haemodynamically stable.
(4) is correct.
In the subsequent case study, six authors from the University of Brescia Surgical Clinic describe a patient who had been shot twice with a woefully low-velocity and underpowered firearm, at close range. At negative range in the case of the second shot, where (according to the authors' reconstruction) the gun muzzle was on the inward side of the anal sphincter, leaving no obvious entry hole.
In their words,
the second was fired directly throughout the anus; it perforated the rectum, and then it crossed the abdomen causing intestinal, gastric and diaphragmatic perforations, arresting into the left lung. *
I can only suppose that the colon injury was inflicted in the course of some sort of Boschian cos-play. The individuals would be well-advised to use pistil-dildos for safety, but perhaps these are only a thing in the US.

"Rectum", vouchsafed Another Kiwi by way of correction.

"Bloody near killed 'im," I agreed.
* "This interpretation was later confirmed by aggressor interrogation by the Police."

God bless you Dr Milgrim

Research finding #1:
When you bombard volunteers with three txts a day, between 9 a.m. and 10 p.m....
#2 ...Sometimes you interrupt them in the middle of sex. This is apparently the happiest activity of their day.
Even so, they stopped to read the txt and reply to it. Because Science. And if they didn't respond, they received follow-up txts (wearing white lab coats) reminding them that "The experiment must continue".

#3 The Results also tell us that "Facebook" is second least-happy activity, just below homework and chores, but still above being sick.

Monday, November 23, 2015

How do you say "spam" in Lorem Ipsum?

This is a real arrival in the Riddled mailbox. Full marks to the Biovision Marketing Department!
------------------------- Original Message -------------------------
Subject: Metabolism, Apoptosis, Epigenetics Assays from BioVision
From:    "Biovision" []
Date:    Tue, November 24, 2015 6:37 am
To:      [redacted]

Intro title:
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Saturday, November 21, 2015

I'm Swiss and I'm spending the night

The Swiss Protocol® is:
1. An elaborate ritual of signals, counter-signals and deniability used when negotiating bribes with Sepp Blatter.

2. Zurich's hardest-working Procol Harum covers band.

3. An immersive, integrative mash-up of all the nostrums, dietary substitutes and supplements, tests and gadgetry available to a cancer clinic, without evidence of efficacy in delaying death, but maximising the extraction of money during the patient's remaining life-span.

3. A techno-thriller written collaboratively and posthumously by Robert Ludlam and Elleston Trevor.

It transpires that none of the answers are wholly correct (but #3 is closest to the truth so I award myself the prize), for there is no single Swiss Protocol® [also known as the Ruggiero Protocol after the eponymous Swiss clinic attracted adverse attention from local authorities on account of too many dead patients]. GOleic is involved in most of the variants... this is the magic protein GcMAF, bonded with olive oil to make it more potent and less detectable.

"Is it GcMAF again?" Another Kiwi vouchsafed. "I thought you promised to give the GcMAF-blogging a break."

"I did," I explained, "but I seem to have fallen under a Geas to continue until some brave and venturesome publisher offers me a princely sum of beer money or shiny milk bottle tops to journamalise  the whole saga into a book-length exposé. Or a roman à clef. Whichever comes first."
Sustaining visualisation
You want a Swiss Protocol with morally-improving positive-emotion visualisation exercises? That's fine, we can do that!

You want your Swiss Protocol to stipulate a water de-acidifier? We can get that for you wholesale

If a clinic is set up to do ultrasound imaging, then sonoporation becomes integral to the Protocol... this is where the clinicians dress up as Dr McCoy and pretend that the scanner is a medical tricorder that weakens the blood/brain barrier.

Another Kiwi wants his Swiss Protocol to include fresh deer vomit. It may be that he is taking the piss.

Perhaps you prefer Tumor Metabolic Typing as an inherent part of your Swiss Protocol. No trouble -- turning to the Netherlands, we find that is on the case. I am inclined to take that as evidence that the site owner is in possession of a Tumor Metabolic Typing device.
Cheap imitation molecules
The site owner, one Michael van Gils, proves to be an Orthomolecular Therapist, which means (I think) that he advises his clients on how to consist of proper molecules rather than cheap imitations. Previously purveying GcMAF through what was then the Linus Pauling Kliniek and is now Revitalis, he is opening a chain of Thalamo clinics.

Let me just note now that our sudden interest in researching the Netherlands is absolutely nothing to do with any plan to turn the inevitable movie adaptation of the muck-raking exposé into one of those travelogue thrillers that visit half the cities of Europe, with tourism promotion boards subsidising the production costs.

Because Legal Reasons, Michael's sites do not divulge information about GOleic, Bravo Magic Yoghurt and MAP protein-pills to the uninitiated; it is password-protected, confined to registered patients and interested practitioners. The task of infiltrating the site -- registering, swearing the oath, signing away the first-born -- all these are left as an exercise for the reader.

It is a delight to report, as a contrast to some of the personalities that one encounters in the GcMAF milieu, that van Gils is not a late-coming opportunistic grifter. The Lnius-Pauling Kliniek was already announcing the arrival of genuine GcMAF with Professor Yamamoto's imprimatur, in a press release back in 2013, at the height of concerns about the provenance of some of the unlabeled ampoules changing hands in dark alleys. Of course that was before the name of Yamamoto fell into disrepute and obloquy for making stuff up, and apes and bats defiled the fallen Tablets of his ancestors, and the initial enthusiasm from Dutch cancer-support bloggers turned all recriminatory about the price and inefficacy of a course of treatment(not to mention the regular €125 bills for sending blood samples off to Yamamoto to be tested for Nagalase at his non-existent Socrates Institute).

More to the point, van Gils recently met with Marco Ruggiero (notable promoter of GcMAF and impresario of magic yoghurt) to learn the dark Swiss Protocolic secrets and be photographed with him: baptised, as it were, in the River Jordan of fermented milk.

"Roman A Clef, I thought he was an actor in Sergio Leone's spaghetti westerns."
"He can play the part of Marco Ruggiero in the movie adaptation."
These helpful diagrams from the Quantisana clinic -- showing Waldeyer's Tonsillar Ring of MALT tissues, and how it was pre-discovered as Chinese oral-acupuncture meridians -- are too good to omit.
Some might wonder how the GcMAF protein can enter the bloodstream to do its work, when taken orally, for it must survive the digestive process (the suppository route has similar problems, the large intestine not being noted for its protein-absorptive role). The explanatory bafflegab relies upon these lymph-system tissues in the throat, for in Ruggiero's alternative physiology, detecting antigens is the same as digestion.

Thursday, November 19, 2015

Make way for ducklings!
Wings wetted down Stumbling on the ground

This happens every year (though it only got in the media last year). A mated pair of Paradise Shelducks like to rear their shelducklings in the security of the Karori Wildlife Sanctuary. But they also prefer to nest in Wilton Bush, a kilometer or so away, then walk the ducklings along the road to the sanctuary when they're old enough, and stand around outside the predator-proof fencing impatiently stamping their webbed feet until someone opens the gate.
The on-duty Constable was driving on Curtis St, Wilton, when he spotted an unusual road hazard - a duck family defying the efforts of a group of local people to get them to safety. Residents had found the paradise shelducks honking at a storm drain after two of the nine ducklings had fallen into the drain. [...]
"They were causing a few problems, going from the footpath into the road, and cars were having to manoeuvre around them," Simpson said. "They knew where they wanted to go and we were pushing them the wrong way."
When the procession reached Chaytor St - the main road to Karori - Simpson stopped the busy holiday traffic to let them cross.
The family of ducks reached the safety of Appleton Park and Simpson returned to keeping a watchful eye on holiday drivers. However, the odyssey was far from over as the ducks also continued - supervised by the locals - all the way to Zealandia wildlife sanctuary, where they waited at the door until a staff member returned to work to let them in.
Here's their family this year.
Having this sort of event happen once -- even in fiction -- makes it easier for similar events to happen in the future. It is a manifestation of Shelduck's Morphic Resonance.

UPDATE: Forgot to mention that there is a reason why the shelduck pair are reluctant to nest in the sanctuary itself, as bad things occurred four years ago.